


Together Again

by Dramaul



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Broken Friendship, Broken Promises, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, Despair, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fear of Death, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Reader is involved, Rex is afraid to lose his friend, Rex is angry, Rex is sad, Suicidal Thoughts, after order 66, ahsoka is sad, and more than a hug actually, everything is lost, main character at the edge of death, mention of Umbara arc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26577658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramaul/pseuds/Dramaul
Summary: Ahsoka and Rex try to survive together, both defeated, uncertain about the next day, too ashamed to look each other's eyes and talk like the old times.
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex/Ahsoka Tano, Captain Rex/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 16
Kudos: 41





	1. Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> _This happens 3 years after order 66_

It's been a while since the " _war has over_ ": the enviroment feels weird, the air is diffrent, the taste of water as well is strange. Headaches are a normal health condition, spend days with an empty stomach or sleeping in the bleakest street using their bodies to get some warm has become the daily rutine for both Ahsoka and Rex after the Venator collapsed, after the whole Republic collapsed.

Ahsoka was known for many things that distinguished her like her vivid walking and speaking, lack of subtlety and those big brighty eyes full of awe, eagerness and passion learnt from her old Master. All those beautiful effects extinguished. All the hope dwelling inside gone. Some tears use to fall from them deliberately. 

Rex wasn't an issue apart, suffered the same: became colder, blasé, defeated; a pair of sad and bitter eyes consumed his expression completely. Like a child who has no idea what to do next like before; always had a plan, and another if the main one failed, and another, and another if everything failed, but now has nothing left to give, nothing else to do. His turn was over.

Sometimes he watches her while his body leans against the wall, her chin posed between her knees, her arms covering her legs, away from him, ashamed, defeated. As defetead as him but somehow she felt a bit worse, could be her conexion with the Force or the abscense of it that makes her look dead inside out. 

It was a painful spot, the most aching picture Rex could have of his friend. The friend who risked her own life to save him and give him the chance to fight another day, but against who? His brothers? Comes to his mind Jesse aiming to his head, takes his hand to the face trying to erase that memory, brushing away a couple of tears that wanted to escape and then sobs. Quietly.

Ahsoka doesn't move, remains static, Rex fears she might die for the conditions they're living and due the pain she's bearing everywhere they go. " _She doesn't deserve this, none of us_ ", he tells to himself. Her beautiful eyes get full of captive water, it seems she doesn't notice about it. Rex fights against his instinct to move towards her and hold her, clean her tears and tell her something, he's not sure what but surely something nice would be released from his mouth standing aside her. 

Rex always knew what to say in front of Ahsoka, either to give her a lesson or teach her a new estrategy; starts to remember all those days in charge of her when Anakin was hiding from everyone to spend time with her wife, the Senator Amidala. Ahsoka used to feel bad because of it: be babysat by Rex when her Master had the chance because he might be tired of her. Which it was never true, but Rex couldn't tell anything, still, having Ahsoka with him wasn't that bad, at all. He truly enjoyed all those days " _babysitting_ " her. Rex had the feeling that Ahsoka used to learn more from Rex than her own Master himself, at least in battle, how to be a soldier, cautious and humble. 

Now, he's empty of words. 

The night arrived and they must get ready to sleep, or try to. Maybe this time no one of them is going to sob quietly or stare at the ceiling with tears falling from their eyes. Ahsoka was so weak, her skin was colder than usual and she was just existing, resisting; it was Rex that made her to stay alive for some reason and this time, if she wanted to -or could- wake up it's because of him. The togruta took courage and approached to the clone who was getting ready to lay down and suffer other night:

-Hey, Rex?  
-'Soka, it's everything alright?  
-May I sleep close to you? I don't feel well.

Rex was concerned, he stood up as fast as posible and got closer to her. Hesitated to touch her, caressed her skin with the tip of his fingers. He took them away quickly, like her cold skin burnt his fingers by the gentle contact. With more confidence and looking for her eyes to get her " _permission"_ to grab her further. Ahsoka fainted on his arms, weak, cold and possibly ill. Six years has passed since their incident on Naboo with that goddamn blue virus spread inside of the bunker. Even through his gloved hands could feel her skin, like holding a brick of ice, embracing her body against his as close as possible like it would keep her alive until the rescue arrive.

This time felt like that. This time had no rescue to expect. This time she might die. 

Despair crushed his heart like a Destroyer against the surface. " _I have lost many and I'm not gonna loose you, not now, not here!_ ", Rex told her, caressing her face fearing to break her somehow. Wrapped her in an old blanket they found days ago and grabbed her in what's left of the strength of his arms. " _Hold on, my littl'un_ ".


	2. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rex tries to not give up on keep Ahsoka alive, but everything seems pointless and hope is already lost._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite short but I'll post the next tomorrow <3

Ahsoka waked for moments whispering " _Rex_ " every time. Rex was knocking every door to get assistance, most of the doors never got open, others shut it down in front of him as quick as the habitant saw Rex holding a body. He was getting exhausted, sweating for the almost one hour of walking around looking for help. Maybe Rex was getting tired not for carring Ahsoka all the way but seeing nobody help them. " _What kind of citizens we were taking care of years ago? I'd like to see what they would do during war without us_ ", said Rex very upset. Couldn't think in something else, just needed Ahsoka alive and all this people she saved are ignoring her now she's dying.

Rex couldn't think clearly, his anger was blinding him and making him walk awkwardly, aimlessly. Felt numb and lost, what else he could do? He stopped in a sudden like he just forgot what he was doing; why he was outside walking around in the middle of the snowy town? Rex freezes, his heartbeat accelerated could be heard near of his ears, even Ahsoka could feel it through her unconsciousness. She's worried but there was nothing to be done or to help with, she feels caged, chained from head to toe; trying to open her eyes, to scream, to move at least a finger, all that was impossible and couldn't understand why. 

" _Did I die? Did I die on his arms? I'm close to his heart... I feel you, Rex. **Rex**_ ".

Rex fell on his knees, holding Ahsoka closer to him, resting his temple on her head. Eyes closed, hard breathing, frozen fingers. 

"I'm not givin' up, Ahsoka, I swear, but-", Rex started to sob. "'Soka, forgive me. Forgive me!", aching tears fell from his bitter and desperate eyes and then began to kiss her gently her forehead, her temple, her cheekbones and laid again his forehead on hers.

"My Ahsoka" were his last words.

* * *

* * *

_A strange silhouette was approaching ahead. Rex didn't pay attention to it until it was too close. Rose up his head to see but found non face. Such person was utterly covered because of the storm, holding a lamp in a hand. Rex couldn't hear what the other person was saying but agreed with him, he was too tired to be either on offensive or in guard. The unknown person helped him to stand up and led him to wherever he was going._


	3. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A stranger came to the rescue at the moment Rex was more than defeated._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna add some tags later, here I include the Reader as a character implying an old relationship with Kix.   
> (Y/N & LS) is your entire name lol
> 
> **Warning:** suicidal thoughts

How much time has passed? Who knows? Rex was tired as hell and lost consciousness once he placed Ahsoka to the nearest sofa. The thing is he didn't remember to get to a specific place. The last thing he's able to see on his mind was Ahsoka and his hand caressing her cheek before he hit the floor. 

The woodend house was warm, a bit dark compared to the bright rooms of Kamino or the med bay on Coruscant facilities; Rex felt lost once he woke up, what was stunning his head wasn't a simple headache, this was more intense. Took both hands to his temples because of the pain, groaning and twisting on the sofa.

Someone get close to Rex slowly to see his status. Rex saw the woman approaching and stood up fast, instinctively looking for his weapons. Felt empty and looked down his hips to see he was wearing his blacks only.

"Take it easy, you both are safe", the woman who was wearing a long vest with a black turtleneck beneath and wide leg trousers expressed carefully, afraid of the clone in front of her. 

"Where is she?" Rex stepped back dealing with the deadly migraine, even the low lights were annoying to his eyes, intensifying the pain.

"Calm down, please. She's okay, she's upstairs", moving her hands slowly, informed to the clone about Ahsoka, her voice was soft with such a tranquil attitude. 

Rex tried hard to stand up but the migraine was winning against his will. Meanwhile, the woman in front of him stayed calm, wasn't upset or nervous. " _She behaves like a Jedi_ ", Rex thought. The woman didn't get close to him when the former soldier fell on one knee, covering his face, giving up before the pain.

"I'm going to walk towards you, easy, I mean no harm", her steps were slow and careful, like walking in a frozen lake whose thin cap of ice was about to break. 

From the pocket of her long vest, took out a pill, there was a small table near of the sofa where Rex slept with a glass of water the woman placed once she saw Rex waking up. With the same careful and dedication, she drew near both the pill and glass of water to Rex. Her expressionless face took on surprise to Rex, like she's used to deal with these stuffs. Hardly, Rex brought the pill to his mouth and drank a little. Clenched his teeth waiting for a fast solution for his pain.

"It's gonna take a couple minutes until get an effect on you, take a sit. Rex, ¿isn't it?", the woman was talking while walking around from the modest living room to the kitchen and going back.

Rex was shocked, trying to process the fact that someone who wasn't Ahsoka said his name. Did he heard it well? Maybe he was mistaken, an effect of the pill he just took. " _That stranger did not say " **Rex** ", this person I just met did not call me by my name, I'm just loosing my head right now_".

"Who are you?" He finally managed to say, the migraine was fading away like the mist clearing his mind.

"I am (Y/N & LN), you might not remember me, I used to assist the trooper medic, Kix, who served with you during the war", her voice didn't change even mentioning a brother's name or the war. Like it was natural for her to talk about it, like a breakfast time-talk.

"I guess, I'm not sure", Rex wasn't sure because he wasn't trustful to anyone. The only person he could talk " _openly_ " was Ahsoka and hasn't seen her yet.

"I saw you very little, was Kix in charge of you most of the time", the woman sat on the chair in front.

Rex looked at her, her eyes, noticed her voice saddened a bit every time she mentioned his old friend. _Would be Kix still alive?_

"You and Kix were close friends, weren't you?", the soldier dared to ask.

"Yes, we were-", she stands up and goes to the kitchen again, "We were good _friends_. How you feel now?", the med changes the subject abruptly, still, her voice wasn't different. Rex understood.

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you", once he knew she was a Republic medic, was mere instinct to refer her as "ma'am" like usual.

"Just call me (Y/N)", a fragile smile was given to him. She wanted to say more about the Jedi who accompanies the clone but preferred to save it.

* * *

* * *

"You can't blame them, Rex. You know that", (Y/N) was saying while drinking her cup of caf.

Rex once he recovered " _completely_ ", started to complain about the negligent neighborhood. "She was dying!" He yelled.

(Y/N) opened her eyes wider because of his loud voice, fearing someone could complain or report her by disorder or unrests. "Please, calm down or you're gonna get us in troubles".

"I just can't understand why these people refused to help us", Rex lowered his voice clenching again his teeth and fists.

"You're a **clone** , Rex", she wasn't kind saying this, not intentionally. Rex stared at her indignant. "They're afraid. You don't know what this Empire has done to people, to your brothers! It's a nightmare", her eyes were sad, this time she wasn't hiding her emotions and concerns.

Rex say nothing else. Resigned, sighed and took a seat. His heart was accelerated, his chest aching. Was a miracle that the med found them in the middle of a storm. " _Was it fate or just a coincidence?_ " he thought. Either was one thing or another, he was far grateful for her assistance. Rex hated himself for giving up on it so fast. What kind of soldier he was? What kind of friend- What kind of MAN he was for giving up to save the only person he had? He tried to clear his mind from guilt, Ahsoka was safe and sound right now, she's alive, and he's alive because she is, and she's with him. What would happen if she couldn't make it? What if- What he would do? Take his weapon and aim to his temple? Or-?

"I'm sure your friend would be happy to see you beside her when she wake up", the med smiled again, a sincere smirk a doc gives to a kid after applied a vax.

Rex cleared his mind from doubts, suicidal thoughts and shit, and ran towards the stairs looking for Ahsoka. He didn't ask how many days have passed, and didn't care, actually. His mind and heart had only place for _her_ , nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading UwU


	4. Like the old times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ahsoka finally wakes up, Rex is there for her, like always, except for what she's about to ask him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this gonna take more than 5 chapters...

There she was, his partner. Remembered all the times she ended straight to the medbay, the times she was a heroin doing her duty and all the times Rex avoided to stay in a stretcher thanks to her. There he goes, taking a chair to sit close to the bed. He thought for a moment if was precise to sit in the bed, wouldn't say they haven't shared one before, but this time was different. They have shared bed because they needed to; in the beginning was a bit uncomfortable: the trust they used to have to one another was gone. They were like strangers.

Ahsoka was growing up still, and that made everything worse. Even if she was too mature for her age, she was a _young lady_ yet. Rex learnt about Togruta's species, he studied their anatomy and behavior. Was quite interesting and charming to see all he read about them in Ahsoka since the moment they met on Christophsis. The language of her montral, her predator instinct, those intense blue eyes haunting her prey, her wild spirit, plus that attitude of hers in search to be treated as an adult.

All that changed, all that energy sank into the abyss to disappear, all those colours turned into grayscale where the most of it was dark and Force only know when that beautiful being was going to come back. She wasn't Ahsoka any longer, _his Ahsoka_. She was a dead soul looking for answers and a purpose, just like Rex. Although the hopeless life they were living, Rex was grateful to stay together after all they've been through.

Rex took her hand carefully, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb, thinking about the lost softness of her skin. Then stopped. Sinking into his own mind, picturing the possible sensation of her skin touching his. When she was younger, used to spend some time with the battalion after an occupation, a siege, or during their training; some brothers cherished the affection she granted them like holding hands as comfort, wipe away their tears gently, even hug them. Those actions were treasure for them, except for Rex, whose never looked for her solace ever before.

Now that’s what all he wanted from her, all he needed. Her touch, her gladdened fortitude. He needed her love, the same love she showed to his brothers years ago, or something more. No armor, no wounds wearing bandages, just his bare surface. Not going that far like he did think for an instant, too, but thinking about just a simple touch, even an accidental one, to his arms, his sides, or like the times she had to check out for injuries. Those were the only moments he could reach her attention. Maybe, he should be the one to revitalize her now.

Rex remembered once she saw the scar on his chest, with curiosity caressed it, trailing two of her fingers from it to the middle of his torso like studying words and marks gracing an old artifact. Such act provoked goosebumps and electrifying pulses on his spine and legs, the “ _pain_ ” he felt was beyond his understanding. Didn't hurt, actually, he enjoyed it, which made him wonder if he received pain differently now, if his nerves weren't responding as it should or why her curiosity harmed him in a pleasant way. Is that why he wants to feel her touch again? Maybe it was not pain nor a wound she caused to his body, but all the opposite. The matter now is, if all that was right.

"Please, stop it" a fragile and broken voice said.

" 'Soka!" Rex responded.

"What is it, Rexter?" Ahsoka asked. Rex didn't know what to say.

"What you mean?"

Ahsoka opened her eyes as wide as she could and focusing to see him. She tried to move but Rex stopped her to do so.

"Don't. You need to rest, _Commander_ ", Rex's voice was so imposed and gelid, that worried her.

"Is something wrong?" she narrowed her eyes and frowned concerned because of his tone.

"Far from it," Rex realized about the unnecessary distress his voice incited, couldn't help but pet her hand to ease any fears of hers. He stood up in search of a distraction around the room; all he need was to clear his mind from those arousing thoughts from a hungry heart. "Didn't mean to worry you, Commander", maybe addressing her with titles might help to hold himself back. Big mistake.

" _Commander_? Rex, what's wrong?" Ahsoka gained strength, enough to sit in the bed with help of her elbows. Her eyes were pursuing his, with no success.

Her connection to the Force was weak, still, was able to feel through him, being invasive, though. Something Ahsoka hated the most was the use of the Force to read him, to know what was going on because she wasn't capable to see it with her own eyes, even without his helmet on. Rex used to be a mistery under his armor; his toughness never helped her but to keep going on the worst of the situations. Well, not exactly, his toughness taught her so much during her training as Anakin's padawan. His toughness made her strong, wiser, humble, respectful and respected, it taught her about honor and leadership, too.

All those teachings are honored from heart, and the old Jedi code, as well; but now feels like they do not have a current purpose. What's the point of being a good soldier? Go walk around spreading the Jedi beliefs? There's no Republic to protect and to fight for, there's no Jedi Order to be loyal with. There's nothing but darkness and fear ruling the Galaxy creating an uncertain path for both of them.

"You need to recover, get some sleep", Rex approached her to low her body back to bed, avoiding her face.

"Rex, I'm sure I have slept enough", Ahsoka took both of his wrists in a kindly but firm grip, she didn't want to be authoritative but needed to be confident and show it to the former soldier, she wasn't a kid anymore.

Bluntly, they needed to talk; her glance was tired out but severe, Rex felt bad for it, clenched his jaw and turned his face to somewhere else for what he did. She was right, Ahsoka wasn't a kid, she's already a grown woman and might not look as mature as Rex, whose appearance was of a man in the beginning of his thirties, but was grown enough to confront anything coming over, including whatever Rex had to say.

Ahsoka was afraid of it, though. What if what's left of their friendship was already over? The thought of herself being a burden on Rex’s shoulders, and a reminder of his treason to his brother to protect her from them. Did he _finally_ want to part ways?

So that's why he's just evading the subject because, he might be afraid to hurt her feelings, at the end, he was cautious to talk to her since always, either was to scold her or tell her hurtful things like reality of war.

Like she couldn’t take it. Perhaps that is true. After all she could handle by herself on her own, perhaps there’s something she could not live with: _to see Rex abandoning her like she did years ago._

Those assumptions were killing her, saddening her eyes. Reason enough to release his wrists and rest her hands on her lap. Rex wouldn't know or guess what was going on her mind, so started to get worry and think all the possibilities, possibilities of losing her definitely.

In that precise moment he realize about something quite peculiar, while admiring her all tense, the pain it would cause _losing her._

Rex already tasted the bitter gulp of Death; he thought it would be the end of him. Although, he would understand if she wanted to continue without him from now on, he also would hate the idea but, after the removal of the inhibitor chip, he'd follow her orders even if he doesn't want to. For him, follow orders, _her_ orders, was like breathing.

"Do you think we need to talk?" That didn't go well. What is that supposed to mean? Ahsoka didn’t know what to say or if they have actually something to talk about. Rex just looks at her trying to give a coherent answer. "I mean," she tries as well to reformulate her query, "We haven't talk in a while, _a real talk_ , like the old times, don't you think?"

Rex relaxes and sits on the edge of the bed, a bit far from her, his eyes wandering around.

"It's true, even though, we don't have to", why he was trying so hard to be aloof? Who knows? His heart should know, keeping in mind his earlier thoughts on her.

Moments like this were already common between them, nothing else to say but the usual questions about how they're doing, if they're hungry or tired. That's it. How they were feeling, how they were keeping their life together, how they persist among the environment seemed irrelevant or awkward, like all those years fighting together were erased and had nothing to share. Nothing else to say. Ahsoka was tired of that. They weren't strangers, they were friends, they ARE friends; both are hurt and forlorn but it was normal, of course. How they supposed to feel after losing everything? They even lost themselves during all this process. However, she wasn't going to be eaten by the forsaken light any longer, nor leave her best friend in the galaxy be sunk into the dark. Not anymore.

"You know?" Ahsoka rest her hand quietly on his right hand fingers as natural as possible, “I really do miss our talks. You have no idea”, she doesn’t dare to look at him in the eyes saying this but he had to know. “I miss listen to you: your scolding; your advices; those “facts” about the sky and the stars; your teachings; I miss the soldier telling me how to do the things right and I miss the friend who used to cover my wounds and tell me everything is fine, that I did right and there is nothing to be worry about… I miss you, Rex”, she finally said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading <3


	5. Open wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ahsoka desperately tries to keep Rex with her, and Rex, afraid of her words, tries to understand why?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing anymore lol

_I miss you_ , _Rex_. Those words echoing on his mind getting to his guts. **_I miss you, Rex_** _._

His heart clenched but shook his head. He tried to seek her eyes and failed, he truly needed to see her eyes. Why she is telling him _this_? What is she expecting from him? What does she want from him? Rex believes there’s nothing more to give, to offer, especially to her. Rex believes he has nothing more to do but survive for her, _that_ should be the only reason he’s alive: to keep her alive. Something beyond that, zero. That’s how _his kind_ were programmed, to serve and to die.

“What you want from me, Ahsoka?” Trying to forget those kind words she just said. “I have nothing to give you. I have nothing left but keep under your command. That’s all I know to do, you know that. All I had, I have already gave it to you: all you’re asking me for, all you need, all you want, I don’t have it, because it’s over.” He was sincere, he couldn’t think in something else to have or to be for her. He was raised to be a soldier, obliged to his duty and die in action. They have talked about this, they already did. Rex told her that he knows nothing but to be a soldier, still, she saved him. Why? What for?

“Well, then what if I want you not as a soldier but a man?” she was desperate, but what she did just say? “ _I want you as a man”?_ Ahsoka could not move after saying that, her heart was about to stop in sharp because of it, but her intention was to keep him not as someone who follow her orders without question them. She needs her friend, the man that used to forget titles and formalities when they were on leave or spending free time together.

Rex, on other hand, was overwhelmed; all this was hard to process, still, for some reason this was a glorious moment. She wants a _man_ , but _what kind of man?_ What kind of man Rex could be for Ahsoka? He would die to find the answer. So this means she doesn’t want him away from her, so this could mean he won’t lose her, not again. She wants to stay; she wants him to stay. And Rex didn’t want something different, he wanted to stay as well, with her, for her. In every way possible.

“Please, say something”, Ahsoka implored, her cheeks were red. She wasn’t capable to find his face, just waited for an answer.

“I can’t-”, he finally said. His voice was shaking, dying. His eyes were hiding how his heart was gloomily drowning into the void he was trying to escape. Hiding all the feelings he had kept for himself to avoid jeopardy, punishment, shame and a broken heart. Rex always thought he could bear with rejection except a broken friendship.

He could not lose her, no matter how hard was to not get worry for her. Not because she needed _his protection_ , but her own stubbornness, reckless actions, stupidity from hers and the general and so many more shit he had to deal with in the past with his brothers were a huge impediment to not get worry. Rex could not lose his commander, a lot less, his dearest friend.

Having that in mind, Rex almost lost Ahsoka because he was a clone. Nobody wanted to help him because he was a damn clone. What if this happen again? What if her life was on stake and can’t help but leave her? Hence, she’d live. What if her life was in danger because of him? She can’t protect him any time longer, she can’t stay safe whereas Rex is near to _protect her_. He wasn’t useful anymore. Even if he didn’t want to be a soldier, he was a clone yet. No matter how much he wanted a new life with her, he was somehow _marked._

“Forgive me- Ahsoka, I can’t”, he repeated almost like a whisper. The most hurtful sigh released by his lungs he ever had.

“Rex, I-“, she flickered by what she heard in confuse. “Rex, I thought, that- Why?” Ahsoka tried to understand him without crying.

“Please, Commander. Just-“, Rex didn’t know what else to say, he needed to get out of there as soon as possible, so she wouldn't see him tearing into pieces within seconds.

He stood up from the bed and willing to leave the room, Ahsoka took all the strength that was left of her to hold him from behind. Hold him like her life depended on it, embraced him like it was the last thing she could be able to do before giving away her last breath. Still on the bed, kept his torso surrounded by her tinny arms tightly; the side of her face pressed against his broad back, eyes wide shut afraid to open them and see he’s not with her anymore.

If it were not for her embrace, his face would be hitting the floor already. Moments ago, Rex was longing for this kind of touch, he truly wanted to feel it. To feel _her_. Now it was just, incredibly strange, intense, and breathtaking. Sure arms of Death should feel like this, he would dwell in them for eternity.

His heart was racing like his first day on battle; his hands were shaking and couldn’t make a move, not even turn around to face her, couldn’t rise his own hands and cover her arms as gratitude. Nothing. He just died alive and was the sweetest sensation he could experience.

“Please, stay”, Ahsoka begged. “Don’t leave me, not now”. She thought she could die in any moment due his rejection and the lack of his presence, of his whole existence, that was the reason she cannot leave or give up on life, so she would be with him, like she always wanted to be.

There were nights before Ahsoka could close her eyes to sleep, thinking about the _“what if’s”_ after the war. She wasn’t part of the Jedi Order, so she had the total freedom to have a normal life and establish herself in a home of her own, accompanied by someone of her dreams. Those thoughts used to invade her mind before the accusations against her. After Zygerria and Umbara, Ahsoka used to question about her position in war, mainly the position of her men and the cruelty they confront in every battle. The injustice they live since they were created. She knew the case of Dogma; Fives, Tup and Jesse told her everything they had to deal with during the occupation. How they couldn’t reject the wrong orders or deny the leadership of an assassin. Ahsoka wouldn’t blame them if their trust in the Jedi got weak; now she knows how that feels, how the people you used to trust and love and admire abandon you.

Rex in that then was brokenhearted and his soul and morals shattered. His loyalty towards General Skywalker would never waver or change, but the respect and admiration Rex always felt for him, in those days disappeared. Ahsoka was afraid he and his brothers felt the same towards her; the last thing she wanted was lose their friendship and confidence.

That week was hard: Ahsoka heard a loud coup from the armory room, and many things falling on the floor just after that. She tried to hear through the door and could sense Rex inside. Once she come in, Rex tried to hide from her, his face, his anger, his tears and sobs. Looking desperately for his helmet, which he smashed some boxes with and threw it away with such intensity that lost trace of it. Between shelfs and more boxes tried to see him, at least his shadow but Rex was good avoiding intruders. Not like he considered her one but in that moment he just needed to be alone with his pain, her company was useless –even annoying- in the moment.

Following the sounds of his nose and mouth and steps, Ahsoka could find him sitting on the edge of a table, tired to run away from her. She tried to keep her distance but she had encroached already. Ahsoka didn’t move further, just remain in silence waiting for his partner to speak, but for Rex it was impossible in the current moment. Tried so hard to ease his tearful mood because of her presence but it was ineffective. Tried so hard to stiff his posture but it hurt so much from the inside out. Tried so hard to look at her; but how? With all that rage emanating through his eyes, deep inside of him knew all what happened wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t even there to assist. It was too risky, even for General Kenobi who had his drawbacks in battle. But, what he could say? What she could say?

> _“Rex-“,_ she say.
> 
> _“Please, don’t. Whatever you have to say, Commander, due all respect, I don’t want to hear it”,_ Rex said painfully inert.
> 
> _“May I stay? I promise I won’t talk, not even a sound”,_ Ahsoka’s voice was spirited, like always, but that’s what Rex needed the least.

Rex defeated at her words, nods, still, he doesn’t spare a glance to her. The last thing we wanted was to cry in front of her. He always mourned his brothers under his helmet; with a stoic stance and off all comms, he could yell at the failure and casualties, choking with his own spread tears. Anyways, nobody could see that, nobody could notice it; Rex falling apart was the last thing he wanted to be acknowledged by his CO and younger brothers. Rex was a Captain, the best one. As Captain, he had to be strong, smart, fearless and unbreakable. But, even if he was created in a lab, he was human. Not just a clone, not just a number, like Fives said, he, his brothers, all of them were more than clones, more than soldiers, above all, more than governmental property. Something that Ahsoka wouldn’t understand. Or that’s what Rex thought.

She wanted to tell him that, no matter he tried to hide his emotions from her or anybody else, no matter how much he avoided the contact until his crying ceded, she could feel every time he was broken, and all those times she always wanted to comfort him, knowing that Rex would never allow that.

The embrace she is giving to Rex right now was all she always wanted to do during those dark days. And that’s all the comfort Rex always needed, specially from her.

Rex still frozen because of her grip, wanted to express so many things that buried inside his heart for so long. This might be the moment, now might be the day he reveals his emotions to her, like he always wanted. However, suddenly thought, studied her earlier words: “ _I want you as a man_ ”. How is that? Fear invaded him making him wanting to cry of frustration and disappointment. Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #help  
> Forgive me, Rex


	6. Silent Vows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rex needed to praise her hand with smooth kisses, each one being an eternal vow until his death to whatever her wish might be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short- again.

Finally, Rex reacts and tries to turn around on her arms, confused but thrilled he needs answers. Before he could articulate a word, Ahsoka starts to talk:

“I thought I’d be the greatest apprentice of the Academy; I thought my Master would be the wisest being of the Galaxy; I thought I would be a Jedi my whole life. I thought-“, Ahsoka did a pause; her voice was tranquil in contrast of her grip keeping Rex close to her. “In the end, I had nothing of that. Nothing I have dreamed of exists. Even so, I still had a current dream after leaving the Order”, she grins against his chest because of her slight confession.

Ahsoka released him slowly to make sure he’s not gonna run away from her. She takes her time to look at him in the eyes and speak out, at last.

“You all were my family all the time, that’s out of the discussion, _but,_ I thought I could have one of my own after the war. Even if I were not part of the Jedi Order already, chaos was present everywhere I went. That never stopped me to cherish something quite impossible at the time. And maybe-“, Ahsoka cups his cheek carefully for an instant, afraid to scare him or offend him, “Maybe I could finally have that life. Finally I have the chance.”

Rex felt like he was about to slump. It was a miracle he kept on feet. Ahsoka couldn’t help but give him a wide smile and rest the side of her face against his chest, which was bumping aggressively, hoping he got the idea. Placing both arms around his broad shoulders and sighing with feigned peace.

“Ahsoka, I-“, Rex started, unable to continue not knowing what he was going to say next. With a mind in blank, did he actually have something to say? All this was amazingly overwhelming. Her touch, her compassion, her skin…

Ahsoka looked at him again and trailed one hand to the back of his neck, rubbing the perfect line of his strong jaw with her thumb with such affection and affinity. Her kindness provoked on him to close his eyes, needing her palm on his face again. To feel her softness on him, on his existence. Rex needed to praise her hand with smooth kisses, each one being an eternal vow until his death to whatever her wish might be.

As if she could see his thoughts, her free hand traveled to his cheek tenderly. Rex’s heart bumped for a bit and his mind took few seconds to react to the sensation. The moment to praise and vow was now. Leaned to her touch, parted his lips and drove them to her palm now that he turned his face. As he promised in silence, after a while caressing her hand, looked at her right to the eyes to ensure she was there with him, and started to kiss her palm. With both hands, held her hand and forearm. Leaving ghosting caresses with his dry lips, navigating to her wrist and going back to the palm with eyes shut. Ahsoka couldn't keep the tears by the gesture and sobbed loudly. Rex saw her again and kept her fingertips on his lips carefully, clenched his teeth and gulped because of her reaction. Did he do wrong?

In the end, Ahsoka took the enough courage to pull him forward and kiss him. Ahsoka finally kissed him and every vow he swore, every promise he made was fulfilled. After all the pain and joy the both of them could feel before, this was their gift, their solace. _This_ was glory. Pure and solely pleasure, they couldn't crave for something else but this.

Rex broke the kiss for a moment; he couldn’t believe what was happening. His breathing was shaking, felt his heart in the middle of his throat. Giggled nervously and gulped again, both hands were cupping her face; her beautiful eyes were watering still but she was smiling. It has been years since the last time Rex saw her smile, such a precious treasure was worth to die for to keep it like this, right there.

“Ahsoka”, he breathed it out with a shaky voice and embraced her to kiss her again.

Passion was aggressive to describe their union; love was lenient; nothing in the galaxy could explain their act, they thought. This was terrifying and incredible; they had such a power in their hands. The kind of power someone can hardly acquire doing something so spellbinding and artless. Something so unique, so intimate. Nothing compares to this, to his touch, to her lips. They were alive at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took me too much to post, but my brain is dead and had many stuffs to do aside this. I promise it won't take that long again. I hope so.

**Author's Note:**

> This was posted on my tumblr page. Thanks for reading, all comments are welcome.


End file.
